I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
