I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize