Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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