That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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