i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
