i was born a porn star she said
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i think i just lost a toe
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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