I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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