my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
