I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
