I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
