I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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