Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize