3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
