walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Randomize
