Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
