I wanna bring you to show and tell
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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