but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
