So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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