Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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