I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
