Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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