i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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