There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
