So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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