i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
