i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
