Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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