So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This is classic penis vs brain.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
