i just sent this text using only my big toe
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
