the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
