he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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