Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
