We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
