I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
