You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
