I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize