return my video game
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
