Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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