I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
