i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
