look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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