i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
