I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
