If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
