So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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