Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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