I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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