I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
