Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
