there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
