Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
