Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
