just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
