My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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