He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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