I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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