It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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