my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize