I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
