So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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