His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
