How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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