This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
