she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
