Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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