so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
