people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
