I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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