..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
