mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
