plz talk dirty to me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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