i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
