I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
