you would pick up someone in the library
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
