I seem to have left my pride at pride
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
