im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
