Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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